The Racist’s Guide To The People Of South Africa

Simon Kilpatrick
Humour/South African non-fiction
October 2010


A politically incorrect, comprehensively unscientific and exceptionally funny “guidebook” that identifies – and pokes fun at – the people of the Rainbow Nation, the Racist’s Guide is written for all the South Africans it parodies. The book is satirical to its core, noting from the start that “Blacks”, “English Whites”, “Afrikaners”, “Coloureds”, “Indians” and “Miscellaneous” are the primary races to be encountered in the land. It is without a doubt required reading for all South Africans so that they might discover the answer to the country’s many pressing racial issues, such as:

  • What does a stressed Black look like?
  • Why should you never give a White woman a white-gold engagement ring?
  • What do Afrikaans people do for fun?
  • Why do Indian men always play sport in jeans?
  • How do Coloured gangsters fare in the navy?
  • What’s the best way to greet a Chinese South African?

Simon Kilpatrick was born and raised in Johannesburg, South Africa. After four years in the corporate environment, he resigned in 2009 to pursue his writing full time. When he's not writing, he's exploring the world with his backpack.


"Gentle and surprisingly funny, The Racist’s Guide is unlikely to ruffle feathers of any but the most gratuitously sensitive, and its elegantly old-fashioned brand of wit is suitable for all ages." – Sunday Times 

"Required reading for all South Africans… Magnanimous and heart-warming, this book turns out to be a celebration of all the people of South Africa, rather than a critique." – ZA Difference 

"If not politically, then at least Kilpatrick’s book is hilariously correct. It’s a cheeky, comical, daring and delicious read that forces readers not just to accept other races’ weird and wacky cultures but also their own. And by the last page, while drying the tears of laughter from your face, you realise: we may all be crazy but at least we’re all South African." – Rapport 

"The side-splitting humour of Simon Kilpatrick with his precise analysis of our rainbow nation leaves you with tears rolling down your cheeks as you visualise each character in true form. A must read." – The Weekend News

"Its funny because it's true and that's why we love being South African… Hugely entertaining… A brilliant and light-hearted means with which to dissect our layered and wonderful population." – JHB Live

"What is it that makes us South Africans South African? Easy. Racism. And this book shouts out all those things that we secretly think. Which may not be PC, but it's honest and hugely entertaining – and quite possibly what we, as a country, need." – GQ

"This politically irreverent handbook highlights South Africans’ quirks, habits and ‘cultures’… readers will delight in seeing how they fare among their fellow demographics. This unofficial endorsement of our beloved people would come in handy for visitors and expatriates returning to our shores." – Cape Times

"A riotous directory of all that’s obnoxious, quirky and hilarious in the Rainbow Nation, and a highly entertaining read." – SA Jewish Report

"Pale faced newspaper editors may walk delicately on egg shells as they arse-lick their new masters and pray that they can hang on until retirement but Simon Kilpatrick doesn’t give a toss. With refreshing honesty he takes the piss out of the lot of us. Which makes this one of the most democratically “racist” books ever to have appeared. It’s a splendid collection of offensive stereotypes assembled for the great amusement of those of us who don’t wake every morning and nurture our inferiority complexes. For that very reason this book is unlikely to appeal to the likes of Justice Malala, Max du Preez and Xolela Mangcu… It will be the best R100 you’ve spent, I promise you." – David Bullard, NewsTime

"The Racist's Guide To The People Of South Africa is politically incorrect and it's going to offend a lot of people, but this is just so damn laugh-out-loud funny we don't care… No-one's safe in this love-it-or-hate-it book. We love it." – Get It

The bestselling South African book – now adapted into a hit one-man show, Race Card, starring Siv Ngesi.

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